If I were a hammer, you'd be a nail
by piccolabimba
Summary: Ranma and Akane have met before the beginning, only in an unusual fashion. Complete with new addition: After the fact
1. If I were a hammer, you'd be a nail

**If I were a hammer…you would be the nail.**

If I were the dummy…you'd be the martial artist whacking me.

"We're linked together like fish hanging out to dry on the line… strung up by the gills!"

"Well now, _that's_ real romance for you!"

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Ranma1/2 characters and I know it!

**_Chapter 1: Bread_**

It started when I was six.

I had always felt that I was linked to someone. Perhaps a long lost twin or something. As I was saying, when I was six, my link finally connected. I had been talking to myself one evening (as entertainment as a small child, I used to invent stories in my head and play them like a movie. Making it up as I went along), when another voice was in my head (now you're thinking: She's a schizo. Greeeeat). Because I was so little, it didn't scare me at all. I merely thought that I had an imaginary friend and that everyone had one. It was the voice of a little boy.

Hi! My name is Ranma Saotome and I'm gonna be a great martial artist! Who are you?

He sounded very cheerful and upbeat. That first time was the only time I spoke out loud to him

"My name is Akane Tendo and I'm almost seven years old. I also practice martial arts"

Ya know, came the little voice to my head, it's way more convenient if you just direct thoughts that you want to tell me towards me.

Like this?

Yeah. That's great!

Ranma, do you want to be friends?

Ok. Since I'm linked to a girl we might as well be friends. He said, rather nonchalantly.

It's not a bad thing to be a girl!

Akane-chan, I'm going to sleep now.

I should too. Wait! Where are you? How old are you?

I'm on the road with my Pop. I'm almost seven.

Same as me!

Goodnight! Oh, Akane-chan? Where do you live?

I live at the Tendo Dojo, in Nerima. It's a ward of Tokyo. My daddy owns it.

I must have sounded very proud. Oh. Goodnight! ZzzZzzZzz

Fine! Be that way! I too fell asleep.

__

_**Chapter 2: BBQ sauce**_

After that, a day didn't go by that we didn't talk to each other.

He told me about his travels with his father and how he didn't know his mother. I could sympathize with him because my mother died when I was six.

I told him about living with my sisters, going to school (something he didn't have to do very often. His Pop taught him some stuff.) and students at the dojo (in particular, the child's class that I and some of my friends were in.).

We became confidants and best friends. It was a funny thing really, having a real live person, somewhere out there in the world that was Japan, in my head, talking to me. Sometimes I was sure that "Ran-chan" wasn't real. He was someone that I had made up. If that were the case, I argued, and then I had to have a very wild imagination.

Over the years, he still didn't fade like all the other childish things I did. I quit playing with dolls. I stopped watching Sesame Street. But Ranma was always there. For a while I sort of became ashamed that I was still so childish that I still had my "imaginary friend". Even when I wanted him gone, he was still there

Akane-chan, what do you like better? Red sauce or yellow sauce?

Do you mean ketchup and mustard?

I guess so…is that what they're called?

But as all those years went by, Ranma was still there to make situations very comical. At least for me.

__

_**Chapter 3: Cheese**_

When we were 14 years old, and I was in middle school, I was asked out on my first "date" by my friend Hikaru. Now, I don't know if he considered it a date, but to me it was. I was sitting at a table in a café with Hikaru, when Ranma popped into my head. Something that he was prone to do when he was bored

'Kane-chan! What'cha doin'?

Ranma, I can't exactly talk right now.

Why not? He felt that he knew me long enough to be straightforward and maybe even a little upset when I couldn't talk to him or provide a good enough excuse.

Because I'm out with someone. It is very rude to ignore a person.

You ignore me!

You don't count.

Thanks a lot.

Then his voice got suspicious. One of the many strange things about this whole telepathy business is that we can actually convey tone and expression in our voice to the other. I could tell if he was upset, happy, sleepy and suspicious. With whom? A boy?

Yes, a boy. I smiled at Hikaru. He had been looking a little concerned there for a moment while I frowned Akane, you're 14. Does your dad know?

Ranma, you are acting like you're jealous! I'm only out with my friend Hikaru. Of course Dad knows!

Ranma's stubbornness came out again Hum, you shouldn't even be out with a boy. Seeing that this would take a while (the biggest problem with this link of ours was that we could never tune the other out. It was a good thing that Ranma wasn't the type to talk incessantly), I excused myself for a moment and fled to the bathroom. Luckily for me, it was empty. Ranma,

I 'said' in my finest almost, but not quite angry voice.

Yes? He responded coolly.

You had better keep quite for the rest of the evening! I can't believe how rude you are being! Have you no respect for my life?

I was leaning heavily against the counter holding the sink, glaring at my reflection, since it was the closest thing to glaring at him that there was.

Kane-chan, don't you think that you are over reacting a little? I am only concerned with your well-being. He replied with fake innocence.

Who do you think you are? My guardian angel or something?

What if I were? Then what?

But you're not.

How do you know? I can prove it! The next thing out of you're virtual mouth will be "you are just jealous." I guess I am, a little. For some odd reason, I feel like you are cheating on me. The weird thing was that I really was going to say that and I too felt that this date was like having an affair. But I certainly wasn't about to let either on to him.

Ranma, that is absurd! I don't know you! I've never even seen you! I'm not even sure if you are a real person or just my imagination gone wild! Now, if you don't know what I will do (well, you're not here physically, so I can't beat you up…), but you will regret it! Now let me return to my friend!

Then my voice got sweeter. After all, who wants to stay angry with their best friend? Not to mention the fact that I had to live with him talking to me for who knew how long. But I couldn't help teasing him a little bit.

And I'll be sure to tell you all the details when I get back.

Please don't. Bye 'Kanechan.

With that, I came out, smoothed my dress and hair before calmly striding back to my table. I smiled at my friend "I'm sorry, was I gone long?"

"Not at all!"

"Good."

__

_**Chapter 4: Meat Loaf**_

After that, the idea that Ranma was my guardian angel continued to brew in my head, if not consciously, then subconsciously. The next year, around the same time, I was lying on my bed, looking at the ceiling. Random thoughts were floating though my head. Then something interesting floated though. When I was little, I often tried to imagine what Ranma looked like. I had never asked him, but I had some impressions.

One thing that seemed to stick was the sense that he had light colored eyes. Not black. I probably got this idea from my dream.

When I was little, (and still) I had a dream of a little boy playing on the sidewalk in front of a house. He looked up at me with his light eyes, smiled and said "Hi Kane-chan! Wanna play?" then a woman would come out and collect him and then Kasumi would appear at my side and take me home. Then the dream ended.

Later on that evening, I was again thinking about the boy in my head. We didn't seem as close as we used to be. He seemed to remain constant; I guess I just kept him a little boy in my mind as I grew up. Then the brilliant idea came to me. He was pretty much on call, right? Ranma?

A moment passed.

Ranma!

I started to get worried. He had always replied rather promptly. Be it in a cool Here I am. Or an angry, groggy What'cha want 'Kane? But he always responded.

Ranma? Ranma! My mind screamed.

Tears started to trickle down my cheek.

Ranma, you dummy! Where are you?! Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he answered.

Kane-chan?

Ranma! What happened to you?

What?

I thought something happened to you!

I'm fine. I was just knocked out for a bit…Ow my head hurts.

Who knocked you out?

I think I fell off of something.

Poor Ranma!

Thanks a lot, but I'm not as weak as all that!

Jerk! And I was concerned! Ranma was just glad that he wasn't anywhere near her. She sounded like she was going to punt him through the roof or something. Why did you call?

I…I wanted to know…

What?

I…I forgot. I hadn't really, I just felt silly asking him such a question. Oh, okay. Silence resumed in our minds. Ranma?

Hmm?

Are you lying down?

yeah. His tone encouraged me to talk.

Ranma? What do you look like? I heard a little contemplation and hesitation in his voice. Well, his voice got all serious with maybe a hint of mirth.

…I have green hair… blue skin… orange eyes and black moth wings.

I cracked a smile Are you making fun of my question? I asked, in mock anger.

I couldn't resist!

What do you _really_ look like?

Well, he started again, once he stopped laughing.

First of all, I'm human. Japanese, in fact.

Glad to hear it.

…I have black hair tied in a pigtail… I'm about 5' 7" or so… oh and I have blue eyes.

Blue? I sucked air in quickly. Blue?

Yeah. I know it's kinda strange for Japanese. I have no idea where they came from! Isn't that funny?

Blue… that was the light color that was in my dream! The little boy in the dream was Ranma!

Kane? You in shock or something? Akane! I snapped out of my reverie.

I'm fine.

Good. She could her both the relief and amusement in his voice. Then it turned curious. Kane? What do you look like? I closed my eyes.

I have long black-blue hair and brown eyes. I'm about 5' 3"… I giggled a little. Oh yes. I am also both human and Japanese. …I can't believe we've never asked before…

Ranma sighed contently.

What are you thinking of, Ranma? His sigh had made me curious

W…What? He sounded like I had just woken him up from his own reverie. Oh! I was just imagining what you might look like. I could feel my face start to heat, but I asked him anyway. After all, it's not like he could see me.

Is it a pleasing image?

Very. No hesitation there.

I wish I could see you.

You too, 'Kane-chan.

Goodnight Ranma.

'Night 'Kane.

__

_**Chapter 5: Potato Salad**_

At 3:00 that morning, Akane's eyes opened. Ranma? A very groggy voice that sounded more than a little annoyed You'd better be dying. was his cheery greeting.

I am, of curiosity.

Can't this wait?

I'll forget!

The sleep I give up for you! He mumbled What is it?

Are you really my guardian angel?

This again?

Again? The last time I mentioned it was a year ago!

Yeah. On your "date." How did that go anyway?

Fine. I never went out with him again. Ranma sounded surprised. Why not?

I don't know, really. I guess that we were really just had a platonic relationship.

Oh. So, what is this about angels?

Are you one?

The answer to that question is for me to know and you not to find out.

Really?

Yup. Now, can I go back to sleep, please?

Fine. I'll just go to the dojo and train then if you won't talk to me.

Okay. Ranma yawned and stopped talking.

He went back to sleep just like that! I was impressed. I still couldn't sleep, so I did go to the dojo.

About an hour later, I hear Kane-chan, Go to bed.

Ranma? I thought that you were asleep!

Couldn't. So I'm training too.

Really?

Yep.

You never have trouble sleeping!

I have a lot to think about lately. Doesn't you're school start soon?

Tomorrow. To think that I'll be in high school!

You should go to bed then. There was a pause in their conversation as I thought about my next question. Ranma. Where are you? It was always interesting to hear about the places that he had visited. China.

WHAT?!?!

Pop heard about some training ground called Jusenkyo that he wants to take me to. Ever heard of it?

No.

Go to sleep.

Why do you keep telling me that?

Because it isn't good for anyone to be up all night.

Only if you promise too also.

I promise.

Ok. In fact, I had gotten sleepy, but I didn't want him to be up fretting either. I finished my kata and then hurried to my bed. You in bed Ranma?

Well, I'm in my sleeping bag… does that count?

Yeah. I couldn't help but giggle.

Man the stars are beautiful. I glanced out my window to the bright sky.

They sure are… I drifted off into sleep.

__

_**Chapter 6: PB&J sandwiches**_

The next day school started. The second day, my problems started. I started fighting the boys every day for "their right to date me" or some such nonsense. My friend Hikaru (the one that I went out on a date with; we really were friends who thought we needed to date-once- we were much more comfortable as friends) had moved away, so he wasn't at Furinkan with me. Ranma heard about it and wanted to materialize there and pummel them all.

I do that myself, thank you I told him. However I did tell him my concerns about a certain boy called "Kuno Tatewaki". He was the one to tell the boys of the school that they could win a date with me if they defeated me. Kuno himself, however, is the most annoying. My recountings were savored by my friend. It became a ritual with us.

Good morning 'Kane-chan. Are you ready?

For days, I would tell Ranma when I was approaching the gates and he would say something like Punch him in the head for me, 'Kane-chan!

After a while, he started gauging the timing and telling me his comment before I even said anything. It always made me laugh. I could tell from his voice that he longed to be there, not only for the fun he would derive from it. Out one, Ranma.

Yes! It was as if he had just done it himself, or he was cheering on his favorite team.

Great job, Akane! I basked in his praise. Sure he insulted me enough, but I knew that he didn't mean it. He made me laugh everyday.

****

**_Chapter 7: Please Pass the Catsup_**

One day, when I was 16, in the late morning on a Saturday, school was already out when Ranma started talking. I was walking around town, looking for a present for my friend Yuka. He didn't seem very happy. In fact, he seemed furious. Akane! He also sounded urgent. What? What! I never thought how funny I must have looked to passers by. I can just picture it:

There is a normal looking girl wearing a school uniform walking the streets (me), looking in windows and every so often going into a store and coming back out empty handed. As she walks along, slowly and looking maybe a little sleepy, she suddenly perks up. Her head (which had been previously looking at the ground) jerked up and she looked at the clouds, an alarmed look on her face. She seemed to be listening to something.

Man, I must look like a skizo or something. No one has said it to my face, but I've over heard people saying that Akane Tendo was a nice girl, though a little violent, and a little funny in the head. Well, I should get beck to my story, I kinda deviated from the line…were was I? Oh yes, he had just sent an urgent message.

Akane, Pop turned me into a girl! I stopped short. WHAT?! Ranma, calm down and explain yourself!

Ok….remember Jusenkyo?

Yeah, that training ground in China?

The so called training grounds, you mean. Yeah. They're a bunch of cursed springs!

Cursed springs?

Yeah! Pop knocked me into the "spring of drowned girl"! Now whenever I touch cold water I turn into a girl!

Ranma, that's impossible!

I know, but unfortunately, it's true! Now what am I GOING TO DO? And to top it off, we are lost and Pop landed in the spring of drowned panda!

Panda?!

Yup. Apparently, whenever something drowns in one of these pools, it claims it and all other victims become whatever that was!

Is there a spring of drowned boy?

I would assume so.

Why don't you go jump in it?

I would, except that I have no idea which it is, nor does the guide.

Than what good is a guide?

Beats me. I continued walking So, are you stuck as a girl forever?

Kinda. Hot water turns me back into a boy until next time.

So, you're only half girl.

Pretty much.

You must be relieved.

Heck yes! Silence followed. Pop says that we're going back to Japan. But first we're going to visit this village of Chinese Amazons. That ought to be interesting.

I'll bet. Try to get him to swing by Nerima and come visit me.

Ha! Good luck on that one! Ranma told me of his adventure at the village the next day.

Why didn't you ask me for advice?

I had to do some quick thinking. At least she didn't give me a "kiss of death" or anything.

Whatever. That evening, we were talking to each other, as we often did before going to sleep.

Ranma,

Yeah?

What does you're girl body look like?

I'm pretty sure that it's what I'd look like if I were born a girl. The only things that are different are that I have red hair and a girl's body.

You must hate it, Ranma.

I sure do.

That's horrible! You sure are doing well with it, though. I admire you for taking it so well.

..Gee… thanks, Akane… ah, good night.

Going to sleep so soon?

Yeah, we're swimmin the channel tomorrow.

I'll talk to you later, than.

G'night.

__

_**Chapter 8: Tacos…**_

"WHAT?! FIANCÉ?"

"Father, why are you trying to marry one of us off to some guy that we don't know?" was Kasumi's tactful question.

"Genma's son should be a fine boy, an excellent martial artist."

"Is that all you think matters? That he's a boy and a good martial artist?"

"I'm taking a run." I jumped to my feet and ran out the door. As I pretty much blindly ran through the streets of Nerima, I called my friend. Who called me at about the same moment.

Ranma! Akane!

He wants to marry me off to some stranger! (we 'said' at the same moment).

What? (also at the same time).

'Kane-chan, explain.

As I ran, I accidentally ran into some guy. I hurriedly apologized and kept running. I didn't even stop to see who it was. A split second after I ran into that boy… OALF. Ranma exclaimed.

What?

Some girl just ran into me, that's all. Quickly they explained their respective situations.

So, you're dad just told you that he was taking you to his friend's house? To meet some girl who will become you're fiancée? The girl you're going to marry.

Yep! Can you believe it?

Who is this friend of your dad's?

His name is Sou…Hey, 'Kane? Isn't your dad's name Soun Tendo?

Yes…and yours is Genma Saotome! Ranma, you're coming to my house! I'm the girl! The daughter of his best friend Soun!

Akane…

I'm… laughing…Ranma! The… irony!

There's a girl laughing on the side of the road with her hands on her knees. Is that what you're doing?

Yes! The girl whom Ranma had observed suddenly straightened up and stopped laughing and started looking around her suspiciously. She glanced at the street sign on the corner and then turned around again. Ranma? Are you in Nerima yet?

I think so…

Are you on Kurogawa St.? There was a pause as he looked for a street sign.

Yes.

Are you in boy form, wearing a red Chinese shirt and your panda father? Big backpack?

…Yeah… 'Kane-chan, how did you know?...

"What!" The girl who had been acting strangly walked up to Ranma and Mr. Panda (Genma). "Hello!"

"Um…Hi?"

"Is your name Ranma Saotome?" he blinked in surprise. "How did you know? Are you…"

"Akane Tendo!"

"Akane?!" The boy's blue eyes got huge. I ('cause that girl over there was me) was just smiling and nodding.

And looking at Ranma. He sure looked better than anyone else at school. We proceeded to stare at each other nervously. A sign pooped up from the panda "You two've met?"

He had been watching this whole display and was more than a little intrigued.

how did these two recognize each other? I don't think they've ever met… Is this really Soun's daughter? Just as he was contemplating this, the black-haired girl claiming to be Akane Tendo suddenly got a look in her eye. The same one that he had noticed (yes, he really did pay him some attention…) in Ranma's eye for many years.

Ranma, is that really you?

Akane? Am I looking at you?

At the same time… I think so. Then they both seemed to snap out of whatever trance-like thing they had both been in.

I guess it was sudden, but I bowed to Ranma and his father. "Please, may I lead you to our dojo?"

THE END

AN: I know the characters are a little OOC, but what is the fun of staying in the lines when you can scribble all over the page? In this story, I think that the situation would cause a complete change in character, and that they wouldn't be the same people as we know them. We all know that we are products of our environment, and when it comes to fictional characters…well… it's different than real people. Different rules apply.


	2. After the fact

In response to several requests from my reviewers to continue "If I were a hammer", and despite the THE END, here is a little after the fact for all those who hate loose ended stories…

Here it gets more complicated because the writing style must change, introducing dialogue and other people. To keep everything straight, narration will be in align left formatting while the words will remain in the center. Spoken words are of course in quotations, and I will try to make clear who is talking without the "he said-she said" bit.

_**After the fact**_

Of course, I said yes to her question. After all, we finally met and I wanted to visit a while. She brought me into the house to her father. A man and two girls were sitting around a table drinking tea when Akane led me into the room.

"Akane! Who are these people?"

"They are Mr. Saotome and Ranma."

The worst thought came to my head.

So that's your dad. Maybe we should have changed mine back first?

"At last, you've come!" He was excited. "It's so good of you to come!"

"Father…"

"Where is your father, son?"

How am I going to explain this????

I don't know. Maybe with the water first? I am interested to see how it works.

That sounds like it might work. At least introduce the topic.

I'll run and get the kettle.

Akane ran from the room.

Somehow we managed to explain about the curses and get Soun to understand. He stood up.

"Now then, son. These are my three daughters."

Akane, what is your father doing?

Auctioning us off, apparently

"Kasumi, nineteen years old. Nabiki, seventeen. Akane, sixteen. Choose the one you would like to marry!"

Is he insane?

We're not really sure about that yet.

The two older girls looked slightly panicked. As if I'd ever pick _them_.

"Akane's the best choice."

They both said the same thing, though with different words

I agree with them. What do you think?

Akane blushed prettily.

I do too.

I turned to Mr. Tendo.

"Akane"

The fathers started celebrating, her sisters looked relieved, but Akane and I just sat quietly, looking at each other. At least that was what everyone else thought we were doing. We had but one communal thought for a while.

It's hard to believe you're real after all this time.


End file.
